Making Better Decisions
It all started with an endometriosis flare up, and it led me down a path I didn’t expect.
Flash forward 2 years, I’ve now run two marathons and I’m here to tell you how I got here. With the hope of helping others suffering from endometriosis feel less alone and know that we can still do hard things.
“You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust your sails”
I only came across this quote recently but it stuck with me, it sums up the day that something changed in me, for the better.
I’m still deciding if it comes down to tolerating endometriosis for so long or if its an age thing, but my mindset switched, and quick. 2 years ago, towards the end of a flare up and feeling useless, I was stood in the shower, upset that after feeling so good for so long, I was back in this position again. I caught myself in the mirror and it woke me up. It’s one thing feeling so ill, but something about seeing myself like that made me feel pathetic and I didn’t like it.
Nothing was going to stop the flare up, but I could choose how to feel about it.
It’s easy to wallow and feel sorry for yourself, I did, for a long time. Endometriosis can control every aspect of your life, and its draining. Somehow all that pain you have been suffering with is the least of your problems, it becomes a mental battle.
8+ years ago I couldn’t drive to work from the pain of even pushing the clutch in, I would eat tea and go to bed, I would spend the weekend trying to rest for the week ahead, I tried different flexible hours before eventually going part time, and I only went back full time 4 years ago because I was able to work from home. So It’s not lost on me that as I’m writing this, I’ve been relatively well since my last surgery 7 years ago. I’m very aware that having the sudden urge to now want to do something and be able to try, is a privileged position to be in.
I decided I wanted more from my body, I had spent my 20’s being in pain, back and forth at doctors appointments, having multiple surgeries, and here I was in my 30’s, stood in the shower feeling pathetic. For years leading up to this, I had always thought about being more active, going for more walks - didn’t do it, driving somewhere scenic to go on hikes - never went, I had even bought a skipping rope - didn’t use it. In hindsight, I definitely could have done all these things, but I think I had spent so long being unwell, unable to do anything active, that when I was feeling better, I had already wired my brain into thinking that exercising just wasn’t an option. But I decided that day that it was time to make better decisions for myself. The feeling was overwhelming and I got out the shower almost instantly and I knew exactly what I was going to do. I went straight to the skipping rope I’d bought a year earlier, went outside, and skipped, I was terrible at it!.
I’m not great at sticking at stuff, and although I was very determined to change, I still thought it best to create a challenge, to stay accountable. I decided I would skip every day, for 100 days.
It was time to just be better; when it comes to endometriosis, I know that’s not going to be physically possible for some. But whatever stage we are at with this illness, doesn’t mean that we can’t change our mindset and choose how we treat ourselves about it. I wish I’d have started earlier.
You’re always one decision away from a different life.
The skipping rope that started it all